i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
