Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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