y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
