i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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