i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
