I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
