porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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