I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
