Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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