What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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