I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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