in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
