So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
