If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
