The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
