He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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