This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I could make wine with my vomit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
