You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my phone needs a breathalizer
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
