do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
