I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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