the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
