Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
