We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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