I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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