I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
