He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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