Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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