i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
