Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
