just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
