I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
