apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
