I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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