i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
