Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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