Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
