just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
