Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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