The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
