He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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