He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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