before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
