Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
