Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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