nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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