Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
