I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
