Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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