why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
