Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't deserve a penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
