I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
