where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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