Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
