Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
